Are you really who they say you are?
They’ve been doing it your whole life, letting you know who you are and how you fit in.
Are you really who, and how, others say you are? It’s not that anyone means you any harm by telling you these things. After all, you’ve probably done the same for others. It can be a great validation and comfort to be accepted into a group.
Belonging can help you feel safe, which is why it's so difficult to pull away from the group identity. You might even belong to a group you love to hate, yet can’t seem to step away from. You get sucked back in every time you try.
The problem with this is that it’s difficult to see and know yourself when others are constantly doing that for you. Could there be far more to you than meets the eye?
Nobody knows you better than you know yourself.
It takes courage to buck conventional wisdom about what is true, and go look for yourself. Even when you know it’s holding you back, a group you belong to can be a comfort, kind of like junk food at times. Alas, like junk food, sometimes that group can’t nourish you the way real food does. Perhaps the real nourishment comes from within the depths of you.
There’s also that loyalty picture, as in, ‘I can’t let the others down now, they’ll be angry or feel I’ve turned my back on them’. Meanwhile, you may be turning your back on yourself, your dreams, your intuition. You may even believe you are not so very capable, since that is what the others around you are comfortable believing about themselves. There is a false sense of security in staying hidden.
This is one reason why people turn their abilities down or off. It’s too painful to know something sometimes, when you cannot or will not take action to follow up what you know.
You can belong to a group and have your own space.
Can you be in charge of your own self definition? Take a moment to consider this – if you allow others to define and categorize you throughout your life, and never look for your own definition, you will have no space for yourself. The group you identify with / belong to - owns you. You know where you fit in within the group.
When you look outside of yourself for your definition, you will have a difficult time coming up with one of your own. And what happens when you want to change your definitions, and the others don’t agree? Do you choose to have your own space, no matter what the group thinks you should do, or become?
To be nobody but myself-in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make me somebody else-means to fight the hardest battle any human can fight, and never stop fighting. - e.e. cummings
©Kris Cahill
Image @Unsplash
