Designated driver for the pain
No, it’s not a new hit country song. It is how a lot of people see themselves, though unconsciously so.
As in, “well, I’m just going to go pick up that pain over there, drive it around, and see if I can find it a good home”. Pain makes things real for many people, it makes their bodies real.
Honoring someone else’s pain is seen as the right thing to do, and often people will honor pain for generations by carrying it on. Pain becomes more real than Wellness. Pain is the gift that keeps on giving.
Some people become responsible for others in a way that doesn’t really do anyone any good. If you are so busy taking on pain and problems for others, you may be seen as having a heart of gold, but what is happening to your own health, your own energy as a result?
You actually can become more of a healing to others by healing yourself first.
Sometimes people unconsciously become healers because they have compassion for others who are suffering.
It begins when they are very small, with an understanding that mommy or daddy is in pain. A small child will often try to heal others who are in pain, because it’s unsafe and uncomfortable to be around this energy.
One person in a household who is unwell and in pain, whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, will affect all the rest. Some will match to it, some will try to solve it, while others will escape from it, become unconscious around it because they see no other solution.
You can solve your own pain, if it is yours to begin with. But you can never solve someone else’s pain for them.
A healer who can’t solve pain can become invalidated, unless she or he learns that pain cannot be solved. Yet there is a demand to find solutions, to analyze the pain, create better drugs to deal with it, experiment with it, validate it, honor it.
You can give healing, say hello to the pain, help the person with whatever he or she is going through. But if you match to their pain and become responsible for it, you will get stuck.
What is the best way to deal with pain? It’s simple, free, safe to do, and can be summed up in three words: Let It Go.
Everything is energy, including the source of any pain anywhere at any time. If you begin to let go of the pain you are handling, to release the pain itself, without needing to analyze it or solve it, you are working on your own healing.
Though it is simple, it isn’t necessarily easy. That is where forgiveness comes in. Forgiving and letting go will create more space within yourself to actually heal.
Other people’s pain in your space will eventually hurt you if you don’t let it go. You will be affected physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Your body’s health will suffer. It isn’t a badge of honor to be strong enough to bear the burden for others when you can learn how to let it go.
This is a daily choice.
You can imagine making conscious daily choices about what food is best to eat, and what kind of exercise you need today. Being responsible for the pain of others is kind of like feeding your body and spirit toxic substances.
By being more aware of what it is you are absorbing into yourself, and consciously deciding to let it go instead, you change your own energy, you heal yourself. When you begin to do this, others you have been healing will now have permission to do the same for themselves.
©Kris Cahill
Photo: ‘One Way’ on Morguefile
