Did you bring enough for everyone?

Is it possible for you to have what you want, without having to bring enough for everyone?

Or, are you responsible for providing for the others?

Do you feel guilty if you get a windfall, do well on a test, get the callback, win the contest, get the job, have the happy relationship – when there are so many others who didn’t, can’t, won’t, or don’t have?

Do you have guilt about having what you want?

If you have been responsible for keeping it together for others in your life, you may have a hard time simply having for yourself.

You may believe that there is only so much to go around, and that it isn’t right to have so much. You might even believe that you are the strong one, and that after everyone else is taken care of, it will be your turn. THEN you’ll be able to have for yourself, without guilt.

“Them that’s got shall get
Them that’s not shall lose
So the Bible said and it still is news
Mama may have, Papa may have
But God bless the child that’s got his own
That’s got his own…”

-’God Bless the Child’, written by Billy Holiday and Arthur Herzog Jr.

There is a difference between being able to have consciously, and feeling virtuous because you choose to not have.

If you have been wanting to have something in your life that has been eluding you – financial prosperity, happy relationships, good health, respect from your peers – it isn’t because you are incapable of creating this thing. It may be that you have agreed to hold back from having it because others you know are not able to.

Somebody somewhere made a rule, and you signed on to it. Some people even believe that poverty brings them closer to God. You get to change that agreement, anytime you want to do so. If you hold yourself back from having something you want in your life, you may be playing the victim. You have an agreement to not have. The great news is that you get to disagree, anytime you want.

Here’s how to tell if you have energy in the way of having your life:

1. You have great news. You tell a close friend/relative/co-worker. Instead of celebrating with you, they feel bad. You feel bad. Suddenly your “win” has a bad after taste.

2. You have great news. You don’t tell specific people because you already know that they will go into pain because you just achieved something great.

3. You have already decided you will not be able to have something because “nobody” gets to have that, especially in your family, neighborhood, or group.

4. You have great news and excitedly tell your group of friends. Some of them get jealous and angry, and talk behind your back.

5. You have great news. You tell a close friend/relative/co-worker. She or he changes the subject to tell you about someone else’s win or loss, thereby completely disregarding yours.

If any of these situations have ever happened to you, it can make you feel like your win is no win at all.

There is no solving any of this. When you are trying to have what it is you want in your life, it is your own business, and not up to anyone else. You can decide to have more of what it is you want, by doing so. You do not need permission from others.

Being able to have is a spiritual ability. You can decide to have more, and then do so. Becoming conscious about what it is you have agreed to have, helps you when you are deciding to have more.

©Kris Cahill
‘Birds’ ©Shadetree on Morgue File