Ain’t nobody’s business if I have peace within

Wouldn't it be nice to live your life without worrying about other people's opinions and judgments all of the time?

What if you didn’t care what others thought about you? Can you imagine the freedom you'd create for yourself by not caring about or needing other people's approval? If you lived unconcerned about the judgment coming from others who have a strong opinion about what everyone else needs to be doing, you'd create a lot more peace within yourself. If you don't give the gossip and uncomfortable judgments a place to land, they can't spread very far.

Perhaps the people who judge you are afraid.

Maybe they would have loved to make the same choices you’ve made, but they weren’t as brave as you. Perhaps they are invalidated and insecure, and feel safer when they match to the rules laid out by their group. Maybe you don’t feel very brave, but you keep moving in the direction that’s true for you, even in the face of criticism from others. Remember that it takes courage to be true to yourself.

If you aren't matched to the rules you grew up around: the social rules, unspoken rules, family rules, cultural rules - it can be scary to step away and live by your own truth, your rules. Often you'll be judged as a result, which is intended to control you and get you to come back and help to uphold the old existing rules.
Don't do it. Stay true to yourself.

Make up your rules as you go along, rules that are based on your truth.

Many people walk around feeling wrong because they dared to make different choices than what their family would have wanted, or what their group would allow. Or they were going along to get along, as the saying goes, and hating every minute: “I can’t change this, because I’d disappoint so and so” or “I can’t show the real me, because nobody will like that”.

I call it being a 'convenience store' – for everyone else. Though they could not live as others would have them live, for some reason they still need the approval of that group that they didn’t want to be like to begin with. It’s not the safest thing to disagree with the group; you might get ostracized, criticized, made fun of, or even worse. Oh dear, you might even disappoint someone who once had such high hopes for you!

Having chosen differently from many others around me since childhood, I’ve gotten used to this kind of thing. I once thought there was something wrong with me because I just didn’t fit in, though believe me, I tried. Now I’m more interested in finding my own validation from within. No matter what happens outside of me, or what anyone else thinks of me, I’m good with myself. I know that nobody and nothing can take away my internal validation.

Many people want to have the nerve to make different choices, to feel as if their lives are their own, to feel real.

Letting go of the judgment is a great way to begin finding that freedom within. Can you imagine having that much neutrality? How peaceful it would be to leave other people's judgments and opinions to them!

Finding the peace within may be as simple as deciding to stop judging yourself and others, so that the incoming judgment no longer has a place to live. Ask yourself, who are you judging? Why not try having judgment free days? Pick your day of the week, and practice non-judgment for a full 24 hours. Notice the results. I’m betting they will be profound.

There ain’t nothing I can do

Or nothing I can say

That folks don’t criticize me

But I’m going to do

Just as I want to anyway

And don’t care just what people say

-Billy Holiday, “Ain’t Nobody’s Business If I Do”

• ©Kris Cahill
  Photo: ‘Red Leaf’ ©Karas Cahill on Flickr