When it's time to commit, and when it's time to let go

Should you stay, or should you go?

Is what you are committing your energy to, still working for you?

I am the last person to tell you what you should do. You may have a few well-meaning folks who are only trying to … ahem - help, by making sure you know what you should do. But nobody can make a major decision for you and have it work for you. That is your job.

One of the greatest advantages and also toughest parts of being an adult is making the hard decisions. This doesn’t mean you’re alone here, but it is ultimately you who is responsible for your choices. There are times when we each feel confused, uncertain, and can’t see straight. A helpful hello from a friend or trusted person can make a difference. But it’s still up to you and me to choose for ourselves.

There’s a lot of changes, upheavals, uprooting, breakups, job changes, and overall uncertainty happening these days. It’s pretty constant, and isn’t going to slow down anytime soon.

But when push comes to shove, some of those changes are happening because the old ways of doing things, including all the energy around Loyalty and Agreements, and the demand to keep things The Way They Were, are simply not working.

We are evolving, and what was old is going away to make room for what is coming. It happens all the time, always has, and is happening faster now. Because, simply put, we must change in order to grow and heal. We can choose to change - or not. We can’t change or grow for another person, that’s their job.

Bye bye nostalgia, hello value.

A commitment or loyalty that no longer works for you can start to feel like it takes all of your energy just to be in it.

For example, the way that we are re-creating work in the 21st century means a whole new set of pictures around how much of you, your job gets to have. People are tired of having their jobs take over their entire life, owning them and creating a dis-ease of the body, spirit, emotions, and mind in the process. As people change from within, the outside reality changes too.

This means (in the U.S.A. and other places): more unions, more demands for job satisfaction, a more validating way of looking at the jobs formerly looked down upon, like service work. We started to realize, during a worldwide pandemic, that it was the service workers who kept us going. The undervalued, often mistreated, looked down upon, PEOPLE who show up for work every day and give, help the rest of us to have better lives.

They deserve a real wage, and full benefits. We all need to look at those jobs as having value, and the people who perform them as having value. As we change our pictures about who and what has value, so does our culture change.

You can check in with yourself about whether you’re stuck in an old way of being because others around you aren’t ready to, or simply won’t, change.

Whether it’s your family, a group you belong to, long time friends, the neighborhood you grew up in, your job, or wherever you’ve ‘fit in’ and belonged, until it didn’t feel comfortable anymore - you can adjust for yourself any energy that wants you to Stay Put. Don’t go changing!

Questions you might want to ask yourself if you’re facing a tough choice:

• Am I fully committed to being here in this situation? Do I choose it for myself in present time?

• Do I listen to and trust my body and feelings about where I’m spending my energy? If not, why not?

• Do I have the space to show up for me? What’s my commitment to myself and my health, growth, happiness, interests and desires, life?

• Is there anyone I’m afraid to disappoint or offend by changing what I want or like or choose for myself?

These are also tough questions, because it is a choice to be conscious as to where your energy is going, and to whom. Don’t blame or beat yourself up if you’re not ready to make changes yet that you know you want to make. Sometimes just a simple hello to your own choice here is all it takes to get the ball rolling.